i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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