How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
