Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
