haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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