Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I lost the right to judge tonight
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
