She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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