the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
