So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
