I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
