bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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