Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
