Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
