my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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