No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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