omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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