Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
