what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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