I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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