Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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