I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
