How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
