She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
