Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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