did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
