Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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