Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
