I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
