I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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