Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize