Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
