I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You are the jesus of drinking
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
