Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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