When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you made out with another girl for some wings
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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