sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
