We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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