I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
