you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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