why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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