Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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