just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
