i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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