sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize