i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
