her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
