There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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