im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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