Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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