I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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