please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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