put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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