i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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