I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
