Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
