Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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