The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
