K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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