Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
