I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
