Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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