I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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