I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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